Through This, I'll Hold Your Hand
by IrishButSober
Summary: On the day of Burt's funeral, Kurt can feel himself slipping away, so just like with his mother's funeral, he holds the hand of a loved one to remind himself that he is not alone.


The first signs of autumn had just started to befall Lima as both familiar and unfamiliar faces, to Kurt, gathered around the tomb of one Burt Hummel.

It had happened all so fast, just last week he'd been on the phone to his dad, practically yelling into the phone and dancing around his and Blaine's large apartment. He was engaged. Blaine had finally popped the question and the first person Kurt wanted to tell, even before Mercedes, was his dad. He could still remember his dad's laughter on the other end, telling Kurt to calm down before he woke up the neighbours, considering it was past midnight when Kurt had decided to call. Even though Kurt had moved out of Lima the second he'd graduated, taking up music and fashion in New York City, he had always kept a close relationship with his dad. He called every week, usually three times at least; he was over for Thanksgiving, Christmas and even a few times during the summer and in turn, Burt came to visit Kurt as often as he could. He was there when Kurt graduated college; he was there when Kurt had a car accident which put him in the hospital for a couple of weeks. He was even there for the opening of Kurt's own fashion magazine, _Le Hummel_. He'd always been there for Kurt and every time he held Kurt's hand, he would softly remind him that he would always be there for him.

Then they got the call.

Kurt had just been sitting in his living room with Blaine, playfully bickering on the flower arrangements when the phone had rung. Blaine had been the one to answer it, the soft chuckle and amused look still on his face as he asked who was calling. Then, the laughter was gone, as was the smile and the air suddenly seemed a lot colder and as Blaine set the phone down again, his skin paler and his body shaking slightly, Kurt could practically feel the fear creeping over his face, wondering what could be wrong.

"_Kurt, baby, something's happened..."_

It had been another heart attack. Even with Kurt's insistence that Burt take better care of himself, it seemed that it hadn't been enough as the years had taken over. Only this time, nobody had been around to call 911, nobody had been there. Kurt hadn't been there. Of course he blamed himself, he had been his dad's only family and he'd just got up and left him all alone. He could have been able stopped this. He should have been able to stop this. One night, days before the funeral, Kurt admitted this to Blaine and within seconds, he had the fierce grip of his fiancé pulling him in close, whispering words into his ear, desperate to sooth the smaller male.

"_Don't say things like that"_

"_He wanted you to come out here"_

"_He wanted you to shine"_

"_This isn't your fault baby"_

His words didn't fix everything. But they helped.

Nobody knows quite what to say to Kurt. Finn seems to be barely hanging on himself; over the years, Burt had bonded with Finn to such a point that he even called him "dad" and "pops" (knowing the second would get a grumble of disapproval from Burt, who complained it made him feel old). In the end, Kurt is the one who comforts Finn, the tension between the two brothers long gone and they hold each other and try and bare the pain together, even for but a moment. Rachel is incredibly quiet about it all, she doesn't say much at all really, she just quietly tells Kurt that its people like his father that are making the world a better, fairer place. Kurt can't help but smile, sink into her trembling arms and silently agree. Brittany's eyes are the most red, she barely looks like she can hold on and just crumples in Kurt's arms, who soothingly rocks his friend, while she mumbles into his shirt how the world is a horrible, cruel place and it just isn't fair. Just like with Rachel, Kurt can't help but agree. Quinn looks torn when she comes to Kurt, her eyes lowering for a moment as she tries to find the right words, because both know there is nothing anyone can say to make this all go away. Eventually, Kurt takes Quinn's hand and softly asks her to teach him how to pray. The request isn't what she expected, but she finds herself smiling softly and wiping a tear and after a small sniffle, nods her head silently. Kurt knows he isn't religious, but this isn't about him, it's about the man who loved him and if there is the smallest chance this will help, he'll get on his knees and pray until his knees ache.

Others come and talk to Kurt, all paying their respects and sharing what words they could to ease Kurt's pain. Kurt smiles for them all, nodding his head when appropriate and looking as brave as ever. But it's when everyone leaves for the day and Kurt turns around to see Blaine watching him a few feet away, eyes soft and his expression gentle, that Kurt breaks down. Through all the talk and attempts at soothing everyone has done today, it's only in the arms of his love that he can be fragile and sob into his chest. He screams into his shirt, saying how he hates everything and everyone, how he wants the world to just burn in hell and Blaine just holds him closer and rides out the storm with Kurt, because alone, Kurt would was never going to be able to survive this.

Kurt sang at the funeral. Of course he did, his dad had always encouraged his voice and seen every competition he'd ever been in. The stack of recorded videos Burt had collected of his son singing over the years was proof enough of what a proud father he'd been. So it felt right, as right as any of this could feel, to sing to his father one last time. It was the song that Kurt had always felt towards his dad; it was the song he'd sung when he'd first feared he'd lost him all those years ago. He'd just been a naive child then, not ready for the pain of losing the man who had raised him. Somehow, Kurt had convinced himself, with his dad getting older and knowing there was always a chance he wouldn't make it, that somehow, that would prepare him; perhaps ease the pain. It seems he was still just as naive as he was back then to hope for such a thing.

He was halfway through _'Wanna Hold Your Hand'_ when he finally looked out to the people around him, all watching Kurt as he sang to his father one last time. Most people were crying, or close to it, but it seemed his fellow glee club members were crying the hardest. They remembered Kurt singing this song, after all these years they hadn't forgotten how fragile their friend had been then and it was obvious that they were barely hanging on seeing the boy like this now. Kurt couldn't keep looking at them, the minute he saw Mercedes looking ready to break down, Kurt had to look away. The boy was falling apart enough as it was, he couldn't see his friends losing it as well.

Then he looked to Blaine.

The young man was one of the few people who wasn't completely lost to the tears and pain of saying goodbye. His eyes were a little red from previous nights of holding his crying fiancé, but there was something else in his eyes, apart from the pain and sadness he'd seen in everyone else's eyes. It was almost, determination, perhaps even strength. Kurt knew that look, he'd seen it several times before and he knew what Blaine was doing. He was trying to be strong for Kurt; he was trying to be the rock that kept Kurt from drifting off and being lost for good. He knew that look, because it was the same look his dad had given him when they had buried his mother all those years ago.

Kurt was on the last chorus line when it happened. They started to lower his father's body into the ground and he chocked, going completely off key. He couldn't breathe, he could barely stand, his stomach was in knots. No, no, no. This _couldn't _be happening. This _wasn't_ happening.

He couldn't lose him.

He couldn't lose his Daddy.

He couldn't –

That's when he felt Blaine's warm, secure hand wrapping over his own cold, trembling one. It didn't make the pain go away, it didn't make him miss his dad or stop the tears from flowing silently down his cheeks, but it was _something_. So, he buried his face into the cotton of Blaine's black coat and just cried and sobbed into the fabric, soon comforted by the feel of those arms holding him close and the older man's head pressing into his head; hiding him from the dreadful sight of Kurt's father being loaded into his grave.

Yes, Kurt Hummel had indeed suffered a lot of loss in his life; but there had always been a loved one there to hold his hand throughout the tears and the ache that was yet to come.

_Burt Hummel_

_1969- 2029_

_Devoted Husband. Loving Father._

_Forever Remembered._


End file.
